FUNNY STUFF

Funny/Thoughtful sayings

Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you--Chinese Proverb

In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads.

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Everyone is gifted. Some open the package sooner.

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

You can't have everything, where would you put it?

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others.

Strangers have the best candy.

Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes. -Jack Handy

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

My husband and I divorced over religious reasons. He thought he was G-d and I didn't!

Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met!

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back!

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way.

Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to.

Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel...just hope it's NOT a train!

I'm not littering... I'm donating to the earth.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.

 If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done.

DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence.

Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard.

Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!

The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

Education is what you get from reading the small print. Experience is what you get from not reading it.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is. It's always room-temperature.

money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with.

Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it.

ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait

I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed

I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress?

The difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less.

He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers
--Joseph Blosephina
*

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn´t explain away afterwards.*

It´s funny- the ppl. who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up.*

 Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.*

Whoever said money can´t buy happiness doesn´t know where to shop.*





Sayings and Stuff


 

  1. Abundance, like want, ruins many.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  2. Adversity makes a man wise, not rich.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  3. Advice is least heeded when most needed.
         English Proverb

     

  4. After dark all cats are leopards.
         Native American Proverb (Zuni)

     

  5. After lunch; rest; after dinner walk a mile.
         Arab Proverb

     

  6. After the game, the king and the pawn go into the same box.
          Italian Proverb

     

  7. The afternoon knows what the morning never suspected.
          Swedish Proverb

     

  8. After three days without reading, talk becomes flavorless.
         Chinese proverb

     

  9. After victory, tighten your helmet chord.
         Japanese Proverb

     

  10. All roads lead to Rome.
         Roman Proverb

     

  11. All roads do not lead to Rome.
          Slovenian Proverb

     

  12. All sins cast long shadows.
          Irish Proverb

     

  13. All things good to know are difficult to learn.
         Greek Proverb

     

  14. All sunshine makes the desert.
         Arab Proverb

     

  15. An army of sheep led by a lion would defeat an army of lions led by a sheep.
          Arab Proverb

     

  16. An ass is but an ass, though laden with gold.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  17. An iron rod bends while it is hot.
         Greek Proverb

     

  18. The anvil fears no blows.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  19. Ask a lot, but take what is offered.
         Russian Proverb

     

  20. Ask about your neighbors, then buy the house.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  21. Ask the experienced rather than the learned.
         Arabic proverb

     

  22. Avoid the evil, and it will avoid thee.
         Gaelic Proverb

     


 

- B -


  1. Bad is never good until worse happens.
          Danish Proverb

     

  2. Bed is the poor man's opera.
         Italain Proverb

     

  3. The beginning is the half of every action.
          Greek Proverb

     

  4. Be happy while you're living, For you're a long time dead.
         Scottish Proverb

     

  5. Behind an able man there are always other able men.
          Chinese Proverb

     

  6. Below the navel there is neither religion nor truth.
         Italian Proverb

     

  7. Be not afraid of growing slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  8. Be on your guard against a silent dog and still water.
          Latin Proverb

     

  9. Be Prepared
         Boy Scout Motto

     

  10. Be slow in choosing a friend, but slower in changing him.
         Scottish Proverb

     

  11. The best armor is to keep out of range.
         Italian Proverb

     

  12. Be thine enemy an ant, see in him an elephant..
         Turkish Proverb

     

  13. Better a mouse in the pot than no meat at all.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  14. Better be ill spoken of by one before all than by all before one.
         Scottish Proverb

     

  15. Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness
         Chinese Proverb

     

  16. Better be quarreling than lonesome.
          Irish Proverb

     

  17. Between saying and doing, many a pair of shoes is worn out.
          Italian Proverb

     

  18. Beware of a man of one book.
         English Proverb

     

  19. Beware of a man's shadow and a bee's sting.
         Burmese Proverb

     

  20. Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
         Benjamin Franklin

     

  21. The big thieves hang the little ones.
         Czech Proverb

     

  22. The blind man is laughing at the bald head.
          Persian Proverb

     

  23. A book is like a garden carried in the pocket.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  24. By asking for the impossible, obtain the best possible.
         Italian Proverb

     

  25. By learning you will teach; by teaching you will learn.
          Latin Proverb

     


 

- C -


  1. Call on God, but row away from the rocks.
         Indian Proverb

     

  2. Children are a poor man's wealth.
         Danish Proverb

     

  3. The church is near, but the way is icy, The tavern is far, but I will walk carefully.
         Ukranian Proverb

     

  4. A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood
         Chinese Proverb

     

  5. Complain to one who can help you.
         Yugoslav Proverb

     

  6. Confessed faults are half mended.
         Scottish Proverb

     

  7. The country rooster dows not crow in the town.
         African(Swahili) Proverb

     

  8. The crow that mimics a cormorant is drowned.
          Japanese Proverb

     

  9. Cuando amor no es locura, no es amor.
    (When love is not madness, it is not love.)
          Spanish Proverb

     


 

- D -


  1. Danger and delight grow on one stalk.
          English Proverb

     

  2. Deceive the rich and powerful if you will, but don't insult them.
          Japanese Proverb

     

  3. The deeper the sorrow the less tongue it hath.
          The Talmud

     

  4. Deliberate often--decide once.
          Latin Proverb

     

  5. A dimple in the chin; a devil within.
          Irish Proverb

     

  6. The doctor is to be feared more than the disease.
          Latin Proverb

     

  7. The dog's kennel is not the place to keep a sausage.
         Danish Proverb

     

  8. The dog wags his tail, not for you, but for your bread.
         Portuguese Proverb

     

  9. Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you will be like him yourself.
          Miscellaneous Proverb

     

  10. Do not bathe if there is no water.
         Shan Proverb

     

  11. Do not be in a hurry to tie what you cannot untie.
         English Proverb

     

  12. Do not employ handsome servants.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  13. Do not lengthen the quarrel while there is an opportunity of escaping.
          Latin Proverb

     

  14. Do not protect yourself by a fence, but rather by your friends.
         Czech Proverb

     

  15. Do not push the river, it will flow by itself.
         Polish Proverb

     

  16. Do not put your spoon into the pot which does not boil for you.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  17. Do not speak of a rhinoceros if there is no tree nearby.
          African(Zulu) Proverb

     

  18. Do not stand in a place of danger trusting in miracles.
          Arab Proverb

     

  19. Do not throw the arrow which will return against you.
         Kurdish Proverb

     

  20. Do not wrong or hate your neighbor for it is not he that you wrong but yourself.
         Native American Proverb (Pima)

     

  21. Don't be too sweet lest you be eaten up; don't be too bitter lest you be spewed out.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  22. Don't dig your grave with your own knife and fork.
          English Proverb

     

  23. Don't empty the water jar until the rain falls.
         Philippine Proverb

     

  24. Don't fall before you're pushed.
         English Proverb

     

  25. Don't let your sorrow come higher than your knees.
         Sweedish Proverb

     

  26. Don't live in a town where there are no doctors.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  27. Don't make use of another's mouth unless it has been leant to you.
         Belgian Proverb

     

  28. Don't offer me advice; give me money
         Spanish Proverb

     

  29. Don't open a shop unless you know how to smile.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  30. Don't run too far, you will have to return the same distance.
         Biblical Proverb

     

  31. Don't shake the tree when the pears fall off themselves.
         Slovakian Proverb

     

  32. Don't speak unless you can improve on the silence.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  33. Don't stay long when the husband is not at home.
          Japanese Proverb

     

  34. Don't think there are no crocodiles because the water is calm.
         Malayan Proverb

     

  35. Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.
          Sweedish Proverb

     

  36. Drink nothing without seeing it; Sign nothing without reading it.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  37. Dwell not upon thy weariness, thy strength shall be according to the measure of thy desire.
         Arab proverb

     


 

- E -


  1. Eat and drink with your relatives; do business with strangers.
         Greek Proverb

     

  2. Eating and scratching want but a beginning.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  3. Eating while seated makes one of large size; eating while standing makes one strong.
          Hindu Proverb

     

  4. Employ thy time well if thou meanest to get leisure.
         Benjamin Franklin

     

  5. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
          Arab Proverb

     

  6. Enjoy yourself. It's later than you think.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  7. Even a clock that does not work is right twice a day.
          Polish Proverb

     

  8. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent, and discerning if he holds his tongue.
          Miscellaneous Prover

     

  9. Every animal knows more than you do.
         Native American Proverb (Nez Perce)

     

  10. Every beetle is a gazelle in the eyes of its mother.
          Moorish Proverb

     

  11. Every invalid is a doctor.
         Irish Proverb

     

  12. Everyone thinks his own burden heavy.
         French Proverb

     

  13. Every path has its puddle.
         English Proverb

     

  14. Every peasant is proud of the pond in his village because from it he measures the sea.
         Russian Proverb

     

  15. Every road has two directions.
          Russian Proverb

     

  16. Everything passes, everything wears out, everything breaks.
    (tout passe, tout lasse, tout casse)
          French Proverb

     

  17. Examine what is said, not him who speaks.
          Arab Proverb

     

  18. Experience is the comb that nature gives us when we are bald.
         Belgian proverb

     

  19. The eyes are the window of the soul.
          English Proverb

     

  20. The eyes believe themselves; the ears believe other people.
          German Proverb

     


 

- F -


  1. Fall seven times, stand up eight.
         Japanese Proverb

     

  2. Fast Ripe, Fast Rotten.
         Japanese Proverb

     

  3. A father is a banker provided by nature.
          French Proverb

     

  4. Fear less, hope more,
    eat less, chew more,
    whine less, breathe more,
    talk less, say more,
    hate less, love more,
    and all good things will be yours.
         Swedish proverb

     

  5. Fear not a jest. If one throws salt at you, you will not be harmed unless you have sore places.
         Latin Proverb

     

  6. First deserve, and then desire.
          English Proverb

     

  7. The first drink with water, the second without water, the third like water.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  8. First secure an independent income, then practice virtue.
         Greek Proverb

     

  9. Fish or cut bait.
         American Proverb

     

  10. Fish, to taste good, must swim three times: in water, in butter, and in wine.
         Polish Proverb

     

  11. A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct, but a man of understanding delights in wisdom.
         Miscellaneous Proverb

     

  12. A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.
          Miscellaneous Proverb

     

  13. A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control
          Miscellaneous Proverb

     

  14. A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man overlooks an insult.
          Miscellaneous Proverb

     

  15. Forget injuries, never forget kindnesses.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  16. From a fallen tree, all make kindling.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  17. From a thorn comes a rose, and from a rose comes a thorn.
         Greek Proverb

     

  18. A full cup must be carried steadily.
         English Proverb

     


 

- G -


  1. Get what you can and keep what you have; that's the way to get rich.
         Scottish Proverb

     

  2. Give to a pig when it grunts and a child when it cries , and you will have a fine pig and a bad child.
         Danish Proverb

     

  3. Go and wake up your cook.
         Arab Proverb

     

  4. The go-between wears out a thousand sandals.
          Japanese Proverb

     

  5. God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  6. God gives the nuts but he does not crack them.
         German Proverb

     

  7. God sells knowledge for labour -- honour for risk.
         Arabic Proverb

     

  8. God will be present, whether asked or not.
         Latin Proverb

     

  9. God gave teeth; He will give bread.
         Lithuanian Proverb

     

  10. God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  11. Good fences make good neighbors.
         American Proverb

     

  12. Good men must die, but death cannot kill their names.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  13. Goodness shouts. Evil whispers.
         Balinese Proverb

     

  14. Goodness speaks in a whisper, evil shouts.
         Tibetan proverb

     

  15. Go often to the house of a friend; for weeds soon choke up the unused path.
         A paraphrase of a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, the American Transcendentalist
    Another opinion on this quote: Alan Walker states "this particular proverb is part of the 'Lay Of Loddfafnir' in the Viking Edda, and is spoken by the god Odin to one of his initiates". Thanks Alan!

     

  16. A good painter need not give a name to his picture, a bad one must.
         Polish Proverb

     

  17. Gossip needs no carriage.
          Russian Proverb

     

  18. Gratitude is the heart's memory.
         French Proverb

     

  19. The greater love is a mother's; then comes a dog's; then a sweetheart's.
         Polish Proverb

     

  20. Great men are not always wise.
          Biblical Proverb

     

  21. A guest sees more in an hour than the host in a year.
          Polish Proverb

     


 

- H -


  1. A half-truth is a whole lie.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  2. The hammer shatters glass but forges steel.
         Russian Proverb

     

  3. A handfull of patience is worth a bushel of brains.
          Dutch Proverb

     

  4. Happiness is like a sunbeam, which the least shadow intercepts, while adversity is often as the rain of spring.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  5. A heart in love with beauty never grows old.
          Turkish Proverb

     

  6. The heart that loves is always young.
          Greek Proverb

     

  7. He fishes well who uses a golden hook.
          Latin Proverb

     

  8. He is rich who owes nothing.
         French Proverb

     

  9. He that does not ask will never get a bargain.
         French Proverb

     

  10. He that is of a merry heart hasth a continual feast.
          Biblical Proverb

     

  11. He that maketh haste to be rich shall not be innocent.
          Biblical Proverb

     

  12. He who is outside his door already has a hard part of his journey behind him.
         Dutch Proverb

     

  13. He who must die, must die in the dark, even though he sells candles.
         Colombian Proverb

     

  14. He who says what he likes will hear what he does not like.
         English Proverb

     

  15. He who searches for pearls should not sleep.
         Lybian Proverb

     

  16. He who wants a rose must respect the thorn.
          Persian Proverb

     

  17. He who would rule must hear and be deaf, see and be blind.
         German Proverb

     

  18. He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
          Chinese Proverb

     

  19. He who builds by the roadside has many surveyors.
         Italian Proverb

     

  20. He who doesn't risk never gets to drink champagne.
         Russian Proverb

     

  21. He who has health has hope; and he who has hope, has everything.
         Arab Proverb

     

  22. He who hurries can not walk with dignity.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  23. He who is not impatient is not in love.
          Italian Proverb

     

  24. He who knows little quickly tells it.
         Italian Proverb

     

  25. He who knows nothing doubts nothing.
          Italian Proverb

     

  26. He who puts up with insult invites injury.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  27. He who respects his parents never dies.
         Greek Proverb

     

  28. He who sows peas on the highway does not get all the pods into his barn.
         Danish Proverb

     

  29. He who undertakes too much seldom succeeds.
         Dutch Proverb

     

  30. He who would leap far must first take a long run.
         Danish Proverb

     

  31. Hide not your talents, they for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade?
          Benjamin Franklin

     

  32. Hours are Time's shafts,
    and one comes winged with death.
         Scottish Clock Motto

     

     


    -I-


  33. If a man is destined to drown, he will drown even in a spoonful of water.
         Yiddish Proverb

     

  34. If Jack's in love, he's no judge of Jill's beauty.
         Benjamin Franklin

     

  35. If there is no wind, row.
         Latin Proverb

     

  36. If three people say you are an ass, put on a bridle.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  37. If work were good for you, the rich would leave none for the poor.
         Haitian proverb

     

  38. If you are a host to your guest, be a host to his dog also.
         Russian Proverb

     

  39. If you are patient in a moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  40. If you bow at all, bow low.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  41. Za dvumya zaitsami pogonish'sya, ne odnogo ne poimaesh'.
    (If you chase two rabbits, you will not catch either one.) Russian Proverb

     

  42. If you can't go over, you must go under.
          Jewish Proverb

     

  43. If you can't lick 'em, join 'em.
         American Proverb

     

  44. If you must play, decide on three things at the start: the rules of he game, the stakes, and the quitting time.
         Chinese proverb

     

  45. If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees.
          Khalil Gibran

     

  46. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies in yourself.
         Native American Proverb (Minquass)

     

  47. If you scatter thorns, don't go barefoot.
          Italian Proverb

     

  48. If you see in your wine the reflection of a person not in your range of vision, don't drink it.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  49. If you want to be respected, you must respect yourself.
          Spanish Proverb

     

  50. If you want your dreams to come true, don't sleep.
          Yiddish Proverb

     

  51. If you want your eggs hatched, sit on them yourself.
         Haitian proverb

     

  52. If you wish good advice, consult an old man.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  53. If you would be wealthy, think of saving as well as getting.
          Benjamin Franklin

     

  54. If you would live healthy, be old early.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  55. If you would be pope, you must think of nothing else.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  56. If you suspect a man, don't employ him, and if ypu employ him, don't suspect him.
          Chinese Proverb

     

  57. If your head is wax, don't walk in the sun.
         Benjamin Franklin

     

  58. If youth but had the knowledge and old age the strength.
          French Proverb

     

  59. Ignorance is bliss.
         American Proverb

     

  60. In case of doubt it is best to lean to the side of mercy.
         Legal Proverb

     

  61. In reviling, it is not necessary to prepare a preliminary draft.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  62. In times of prosperity friends will be plenty, in times of adversity not one in twenty.
          English Proverb

     

  63. In the kingdom of the blind the one-eyed are kings
         Macedonian Proverb
    Thanks Margarita for submitting this one! -ed

     

  64. In the morning be first up, and in the evening last to go to bed, for they that sleep catch no fish.
          English Proverb

     

  65. It is easier to pull down than to build up.
          Latin Proverb

     

  66. It is not a fish until it is on the bank.
         Irish Proverb

     

  67. It is not enough to aim.; you must hit.
         Italian Proverb

     

  68. It is the great north wind that made the Vikings.
         Scandanavian Proverb

     

  69. It is the part of a good shepherd to shear his flock, not to skin it.
         Latin Proverb

     


    -J-


  70. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  71. Judge not the horse by his saddle.
         Chinese Proverb

     


    -K-


  72. Keep your broken arm inside your sleeve.
         Chinese Proverb

     


    -L-


  73. L'amour faite passer les temps. Les temps faite passer l'amour. (Love makes time pass. Time makes love pass.)
         French Sundial Motto

     

  74. A lean agreement is better than a fat lawsuit.
         German Proverb

     

  75. Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
         Chinese Proverb.

     

  76. Let every fox take care of his own tail.
         Italian Proverb

     

  77. Let him make use of instinct who cannot make use of reason.
         English Proverb

     

  78. Let no man deceive you with vain words.
          Biblical Proverb

     

  79. Life is not separate from death. It only looks that way.
         Native American Proverb (Blackfoot)

     

  80. Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf.
         Native American Proverb

     

  81. Listen to all, plucking a feather from every passing goose, but, follow no one absolutely.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  82. A little pot boils easily.
         Dutch Proverb

     

  83. Live together like brothers and do business like strangers.
         Arab Proverb

     

  84. Live with wolves, and you learn to howl.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  85. Live your own life, for you will die your own death.
         Latin Proverb

     

  86. Lomhlaba Unzima, Lohmhlaba. [This world is a harsh place, this world.]
          Zulu Proverb

     

  87. Long absent, soon forgotten.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  88. Look for the good, not the evil, in the conduct of members of the family.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  89. Love and eggs are best when they are fresh.
          Russian Proverb

     

  90. Love is like dew that falls on both nettles and lilies.
         Swedish Proverb

     

  91. Love rules without rules.
         Italian Proverb

     

  92. Love tells us many things that are not so.
          Ukranian Proverb

     

  93. Love your neighbor, but don't tear down your fence.
          German Proverb

     

  94. The loveliest of faces are to be seen by moonlight, when one sees half with the eye and half with the fancy.
          Persian Proverb

     


    -M-


  95. Make happy those who are near, and those who are far will come.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  96. Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to fall out with your superiors.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  97. Man has responsiblity, not power.
         Native American Proverb (Tuscarora)

     

  98. A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.
         Latin Proverb

     

  99. A man's first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart, his next to escape the censures of the world.
         English Proverb

     

  100. The man who does not learn is dark, like one walking in the night.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  101. Many men know how to flatter, few men know how to praise.
  102. Greek Proverb

     

  103. Measure a thousand times and cut once.
         Turkish Proverb

     


    -N-


  104. Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  105. Never do anything standing that you can do sitting, or anything sitting that you can do lying down.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  106. Never draw your dirk when a blow will do it.
         Scottish Proverb

     

  107. Never fall out with your bread and butter.
         English Proverb

     

  108. Never give advice in a crowd.
         Arab Proverb

     

  109. Never give advice unless asked.
         German Proverb

     

  110. Never rely on the glory of the morning or the smiles of your mother-in-law.
         Japanese Proverb

     

  111. Never squat with your spurs on.
         Texan Proverb

     

  112. Never trust the man who tells you all his troubles but keeps from you all his joys.
          Jewish Proverb

     

  113. Never write a letter while you are angry.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  114. Never trouble trouble till trouble troubles you.
          American Proverb

     

  115. No call alligator long mouth till you pass him.
         Jamaican Proverb

     

  116. No need to teach an eagle to fly.
         Greek Proverb


         No one can see their reflection in running water. It is only in still water that we can see.
         Taoist Proverb

     

  117. No one is rich enough to do without a neighbor.
         Danish Proverb

     


    -O-


  118. Observe your enemies, for they first find your faults.
         Greek Proverb

     

  119. One does evil enough when one does nothing good.
         German Proverb

     

  120. One drink is just right; two is too many; three are too few.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  121. One meets his destiny often in the road he takes to avoid it.
         French Proverb

     

  122. One should be just as careful in choosing one's pleasures as in avoiding calamities.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  123. Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the noonday sun.
         Indian Proverb

     


    -P-


  124. Pray, pray very much; but beware of telling God what you want.
         French Proverb

     


    -R-


  125. Ready money works great cures.
         French Proverb

     

  126. The reverse side also has a reverse side.
         Japanese Proverb

     

  127. A rich man has no need of character.
          Hebrew Proverb

     


    -S-


  128. Scratch my back and I'll scratch yours.
          American Proverb

     

  129. Set a thief to catch a thief.
         French Proverb

     

  130. Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.
         Sweedish Proverb

     

  131. Since the house is on fire let us warm ourselves.
         Italian Proverb

     

  132. Since we cannot get what we like, let us like what we can get.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  133. A single conversation with a wise man is better than ten years of study.
          Chinese Proverb

     

  134. The sinning is the best part of repentance.
         Arabic Proverb

     

  135. Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors.
         African Proverb

     

  136. A snake deserves no pity.
         Yiddish Proverb

     

  137. Speak of the devil and he appears.
          Italian Proverb

     

  138. Spread the table and contention will cease.
         English Proverb

     


    -T-


  139. Tell me and I'll forget. Show me, and I may not remember. Involve me, and I'll understand.
         Native American Proverb

     

  140. A true friend, is one that will take a bullet for you in the war.
         Italian Proverb
    Kindly submitted to quotesandsayings.com by Massimo Raimondi, from a book on Mussolini

     

  141. Tell me who's your friend and I'll tell you who you are.
         Russian proverb

     

  142. There is a pinch of the madman in every great man.
         French Proverb

     

  143. There is no flying without wings.
          French Proverb

     

  144. There is no pillow so soft as a clear conscience.
         French Proverb

     

  145. There is nothing hidden between Heaven and Earth
         Venezuelan Proverb

     

  146. There wouldn't be such a thing as counterfeit gold if there were no real gold somewhere.
         Sufi Proverb

     

  147. Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
          Chinese Proverb

     

  148. Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas.
         Italian Proverb

     

  149. Though a tree grow ever so high, the falling leaves return to the ground.
         Malayan Proverb

     

  150. Three things it is best to avoid: a strange dog, a flood, and a man who thinks he is wise.
         Welsh Proverb

     

  151. To attract good fortune, spend a new coin on an old friend, share an old pleasure with a new friend, and lift up the heart of a true friend by writing his name on the wings of a dragon.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  152. To change and change for the better are two different things.
         German Proverb

     

  153. To deceive a diplomat speak the truth, he has no experience with it.
          Greek Proverb

     

  154. To know and to act are one and the same.
          Samurai Proverb

     

  155. To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  156. A tree never hits an automobile except in self defense.
          American Proverb

     

  157. Trumpet in a herd of elephants; crow in the company of cocks; bleat in a flock of goats.
         Malayan Proverb

     

  158. Turn your face to the sun and the shadows fall behind you.
          Maori proverb

     


    -U-


  159. Under a ragged coat lies wisdom.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  160. Under a tattered cloak you will generally find a good drinker.
          Spanish Proverb

     

  161. Use power to curb power.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  162. Use soft words and hard arguments.
          English Proverb

     

  163. Use your enemy's hand to catch a snake.
         Persian Proverb

     


    -V-


  164. Vision without action is a daydream. Action with without vision is a nightmare.
         Japanese Proverb

     

  165. Vulnerant omnia, ultima necat. (All the [hours] wound you, the last one kills)
         Latin Proverb

     


    -W-


  166. Wait until it is night before saying that it has been a fine day.
         French Proverb

     

  167. Walk till the blood appears on the cheek, but not the sweat on the brow.
          Spanish Proverb

     

  168. We know the worth of a thing when we have lost it.
         French Proverb

     

  169. What may be done at any time will be done at no time.
         Scottish Proverb

     

  170. We never know the worth of water till the well is dry.
         French Proverb

     

  171. What the heart thinks, the tongue speaks.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  172. What the people believe is true.
         Native American Proverb (Anishinabe)


         What was hard to endure is sweet to recall.

  173. French Proverb

     

  174. What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  175. What you give you get, ten times over.
         Yoruba Proverb

     

  176. When a blind man carries a lame man, both go forward.
          Swedish proverb

     

  177. When an elephant is in trouble even a frog will kick him.
          Hindu Proverb

     

  178. When anger rises, think of the consequences.
         Confucius

     

  179. When a thing is done, advice comes too late.
         Romanian Proverb

     

  180. When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  181. When friends ask, there is no tomorrow.
          Miscellaneous Proverb

     

  182. When in doubt, Gallop!
          Proverb of the French Foreign Legion

     

  183. When one shuts one eye, one does not hear everything.
         Swiss Proverb

     

  184. When spiders unite they can tie down a lion.
         Ethiopian Proverb

     

  185. When the fox preaches, look to the geese.
         German Proverb

     

  186. When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.
         African Proverb

     

  187. When two quarrel, both are to blame.
         Dutch Proverb

     

  188. When we cannot get what we love, we must love what is within our reach.
         French Proverb

     

  189. When you go to buy, use your eyes, not your ears.
         Czech Proverb

     

  190. When you have no choice, mobilize the spirit of courage.
         Jewish Proverb

     

  191. When you have only two pennies left in the world, buy a loaf of bread with one, and a lily with the other.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  192. When you throw dirt, you lose ground.
         Texan Proverb

     

  193. When you want to test the depths of a stream, don't use both feet.
         Chinese Proverb

     

  194. Where God has his church the Devil will have his chapel.
          Spanish Proverb

     

  195. Where there is a sea there are pirates.
          Greek Proverb

     

  196. Where there is love, there is pain.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  197. Where there are no swamps there are no frogs.
         German Proverb

     

  198. Wheresoever you go, go with all your heart.
          Confucius

     

  199. Who depends on another man's table often dines late.
          Italian Proverb

     

  200. Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.
         Spanish Proverb

     

  201. The whisper of a pretty girl can be heard further than the roar of a lion.
          Arab Proberb

     

  202. Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one.
          Japaneses Proverb

     

  203. The wise man has long ears and a short tongue.
         German Proverb

     

  204. The woman cries before the wedding and the man after.
          Polish Proverb

     

  205. Words must be weighed, not counted.
          Polish Proverb

     


    -Y-


  206. You may laugh at a friend's roof; don't laugh at his sleeping accomodation.
          Kenyan Proverb

     

  207. Young pigs grunt as as old pigs grunted before them.
         Danish Proverb

     

  208. Your friend has a friend; don't tell him.
          Jewish Proverb

     

  209. You can't wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.
         Navajo Proverb

     

  210. You've got to do your own growing, no matter how tall your grandfather was.
         Irish Proverb
    1. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
    2. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

       

    3. Why do psychics have to ask for your name?

       

       

    4. If a cow laughs hard, does milk come out its nose?

       

       

    5. If the #2 pencil is so popular why is it still #2?

       

       

    6. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing in the store is free yet?

       

       

    7. The "Psychic Friends Network" went out of business... didn't they see it coming?

       

       

    8. Is it possible for someone to become addicted to therapy? And If so, how would you treat them?

       

       

    9. Why do we drive on the parkway and park in the driveway?

       

       

    10. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

       

       

    11. Isn't is it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

       

       

    12. When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

       

       

    13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

       

       

    14. Why is the word abbreviation so long?

       

       

    15. If a word is mispelled in the dictionary, is it mispelled?

       

       

    16. And if it is mispelled, how would we know?-AML

       

       

    17. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

       

       

    18. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

       

       

    19. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

       

       

    20. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

       

       

    21. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

       

       

    22. If you are dialing from a touch-tone phone, Why do you call it 'dialing'? -Ziggy
    23.  

      Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?*

    24. If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?*
    25. Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?*
    26. "Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?*
    27. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?*
    28. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?*
    29. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?*
    30. Can you get cornered in a round room?*
    31. Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?*
    32. Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?*
    33. Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?*
    34. Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?*
    35. Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear?*
    36. If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?*
    37. Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?*
    38. Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?*
    39. Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
      free?*
    40. If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?*
    41. You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
      people that work nights?*
    42. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?*
    43. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?*
    44. How is it possible to have a civil war?*
    45. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?*
    46.  Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have a "S" in it?*
    47. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?*
    48. If you spin an oriental man in a circle three times, does he become disoriented?*
    49. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?*
    50. Why on Earth, with over 3/4 of our planet covered by water, don't we call it 'ocean'?--Ziggy*


     

 


 

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